Elliott Inspiration

So, I finished "Elliott Smith and the big nothing" last night. It was very sad, since right after he got off drugs and was putting his life together. He died, officially from suicide, but many believe that he was killed by his girlfriend. Since they got into a fight right before his death, along with other evidence that didn't fit with a suicide. The police case is still open. I don't think police should just allow a case like that to remain open.

For some reason after I got done reading. I started to write lyrics for songs. I was already planning to start messing and mixing with beats once I get a new computer. I plan on making the saddest electronica album ever.


Music: Elliott Smith-King's Crossing

Hail, Snow, Rain in one day

I'm currently watching the Oscars. It's sad, this is first time I can remember not seeing any of the movies nominated. I really need to start watching more movies again. To think that at one time I wanted to be a movie reviewer.

The weather has been insane lately. During the insanity I have been driving in it. Last night I went to the surround sound show. Its was a little scary driving through the hail/freezing rain. The show was good and the party afterwards was fun. I kind of regret the 3 a.m. white castle run though, man sliders are gross.

I went to sleep at 5 a.m. after watching grandma's boy. Woke up at 9 a.m. and drove home in the rain. After going back to sleep once I got home. When I woke up it was snowing again. This weather is insane.

Fred let me borrow "Elliott Smith and the big nothing". It will be the first book I read for fun in a long time.

Music: M83-Don't save us from the flames

Better Day

My Of Montreal tickets came today.

Plus computer science was actually fun today. Since we got to mess around with graphics and sound, instead of text only.

I'm in a better mood today.

Music: Beatles-Here Comes The Sun

Fuck Myspace

So, these days haven't been the brightest for me.

Today I decided to go to a free myspace early showing of the movie 300 in Chicago. I was very hesitant on going, since I would have skip my classes. Plus I couldn't convince anyone to skip class/work, so I had to go solo. The reason I decided to go was to follow up my new years resolution, No Regrets.

I missed the train that I wanted to catch, so I caught the one half hour later. When I finally got to navy pier there was a pretty big line since it started in a half hour. I ended up being four people short from getting in. So I ended wasting all that time in the cold and money for nothing. If I would of got there fifteen minutes earlier I probably would got in.

Now as much as regret has been hurting me this past year. Disappointment isn't much better.


I also discovered that one of my few friends from ECC has decided to completely abandon me. He was one my older friends since we go way back to my early years of soccer. Which means my social life is back to zero. Sometimes I feel like just giving up on all of humanity. Unfortunately even I can't be happy with complete isolation.

Honestly, these days I don't think I would ever smile or laugh, if it wasn't for Scrubs. That t.v. show is ridiculously amazing.

Music: Galaxie 500-Isn't it a pity

Falling

Its funny how when you take one really bad fall. You lose all your previous confidence you had built up.

Today I took a really bad backwards fall while trying to stop on a snowboard. After I fell, I couldn't go down the hill without constantly falling. It doesn't help the way I fell took away the only confident way I knew of stopping. I think I'm done snowboarding for the year, maybe forever.

This applies to other areas in my life as well. When I used play soccer I used to get hit in the face by the soccer ball all the time. Then I one day I got hit by a wet soccer ball and now I almost always duck when I see a object flying at my face.

I'm not even going to get into my love life. One big misstep and now I can't get out of despair.

Rocky Belboa once said, "Its not about hard you get hit. Its about how much you can take and get up and keep moving forward".(Well something like that.)

I'm with Jason Pierce's view, "They say that pride comes just before a fall. I have fallen and I wasn't sure, you know that I have fallen further before. I just cannot stand falling no more".(Spiritualized-Out of Sight)

Music: Elliott Smith-How to Take a Fall

The breaking point

In computer science I'm at the breaking point. These loop programs are driving me crazy. If computer science wasn't my major I'd start considering dropping the class, since I have the second lowest score in class at 78%. It's the only class this semester that is below 80%. Which really makes me doubt my future with this major. I knew the math requirements for this was going to be tough, but I didn't expect the programing to be even harder this early.

It makes me think that maybe I should just change my major to history. Since its the one subject that I know can consistently get A's in. Then follow the career path of transferring to NIU and get a teaching degree along with my history major. Then find a high school to be sports coach/history teacher. I think I would enjoy being a coach, but not sure about teaching. This career path I have a high chance of succeeding at about 90%.

Instead I choose a path that is based on math one of my weaker subjects. Its not just based on simple math, it gets into upper levels of calculus and statistics. To add to this it involves the mastery of complex logical programs. Also I'm aiming at getting into DePaul or UI the best computer science school in the world. Which means I have to keep my grades up. If I keep my current GPA where it is, I'm confident I'll get into one of these schools. I'm just worried that the huge amount math classes will drag my GPA down along the way. If I'm some how able to keep my GPA up and get into one these schools. Then I will look forward to even harder math and programing classes. If I get through those class and earn my major in computer science and major/minor in Physics. Then I plan on transferring to the University of Dresden in Germany to earn a masters in Artificial Intelligence. If I earn my masters I believe that many interesting jobs would open up for me. Besides the fact that I have no clue how I'm going to fund this besides getting loans out of my mind. I only give myself about 30% chance of succeeding in this career path, but if I do make it through, I think it would be the most fulfilling lifestyle and the highest standard that I could ever possibly achieve.

So, for now I'm going to keep fighting through computer science in hopes of making my impossible dream a reality.

In better news I get to go snowboarding tomorrow at Grand Geneva. :)


Music: Sufjan Stevens-Chicago

Oh well

No snow day. :(

Computer Science 1 is getting really hard. Finaly finished the syllabus in intro to non-western humanities. Pschcology I need to study for a test, that I'll be taking later tonight online.



Music: Starlight Mints-Inside of Me

Snow Day

Hopefully snow day tomorrow. Also found out no school on Monday. :)

Music: Abandoned Pools-Sunny Day

Sick Again

The bears lost, which makes me happy being a Packers fan. Brett Farve is coming back which also makes me happy. Unfortunately I'm sick, so I might not be able to go snoboarding this friday. :(

Me Arse

I'm tired.

Snowboarding and going to a party in Chicago in one day does that to me.

It was fun.

Except for bruising my tail bone while snowboarding.

Walking around Chicago at midnight was also interesting.

Music: My Bloody Valentine-Sometimes

Tomorrow should be fun.

School is done for the week. So I'm happy.

Tomorrow snowboarding and Tasha's house warming party. So I'm happy.

No work this weekend. So I'm happy.


Music: This Is Me Smiling-Up In All Directions