Insane weekend prospected

This weekend is going to be hell. I have so much school work to do its scary just to think about it. I have to learn about 75 artifacts. Write computer programs that I have no idea how to do. Write a four page english paper. Lastly do math homework on matrix's that I have problems with.

My schedule for this weekend consists of homework, halo, sleep, and repeat.


Music: Matt Pond PA:So Much Trouble

Objects of my affection

Music: Peter Bjork and John

So many problems and not enough solutions

I have to say right now there is nothing I like about my life.
I'm lost
I don't were am
I don't have clue were my future is
I can't stand to look at my past
I can't sleep
I have to hear the one name I want to avoid everywhere I go

I'm failing my major
I don't really enjoy the things I'm good at in school
I can't stand this depression much longer
I hate these constant mood swings into sadness
I hate never getting definitive answers

I can't get rid of pointless stress
I'm losing my hair because of it
I wish my body wasn't so messed up
I wish I could still play soccer
I miss that part of my
I have a huge hole in my life from it

I wish I could see beauty in life
I wish I wasn't so stupid
I wish something will just end or begin
I'm tired of being stuck were I am

I hate everything, yet
I hate nothing
I try to be nice
I still get nowhere
I still am despised by most people

I can't get to heaven
I can't to hell
I wish we could know where our souls end up
I wish my mistakes would leave my head
I hate being this confused

I wish I could fly
I wish I was floating in space
I have too many problems and
I'm almost out of solutions


Now for the most depressing music play list ever.


Please Please Please-Shout Out Louds
Flying Pretend- Oranger
Consequence-The Notwist
Marching Bands of Manhattan- Death Cab For Cutie
Don't Forget To Breathe-Beulah
Broken Heart- Spiritualized
The Warming Sun- Grandaddy
Cold Part- Modest Mouse
Everything Means Nothing To Me- Elliott Smith

Don't Just Do Something

Sometime
They say that love is blind
But I think that dumb is what they had in mind
I could let it go
But Id rather know
If I sit around
Will another show

Sometime
I get to fly so high
That the sun burns my wings but I will fly
Just a little too far
cause thats where you are
And I wont bring you down
Believe in me

Sometime
I like to sit around
Im just contemplating sitting round
I could lay in bed
Like my mamma said
Dont just do something
Sit around instead

Sometime
If I may say myself
Im not bad at life, Im not good as well
And though life goes on
I can plainly see
Just what is it for
If its not for me

Sometime
Though its a big surprise
I may compromise the thing I most desire
I can say with pride
Hold my head up high
That I had a great idea
But never mind


Oh babe
Im going nowhere
Nowheres where I wanna be

Oh babe
Im good for nothing
Nothing is good enough for me
Anything, anything can come to anybody
Everything, everything can come to someone
Sometime

Oh babe
Im good for nothing
Nothing is good enough for me
Anything, anything can come to anybody
Everything, everything can come to someone
Sometime


Sometime
Opportunity
Price is right by me living even slow
I cant breath and think
And I need a drink
All this common sense
Made a fool of me

Sometime
I like to sit around
Im just contemplating sitting round
I could lay in bed
Like my mamma said
Dont just do something
Sit around instead

Sometime
I like to fly so high
That the sun burns my wings but I will fly
Just a little too far
cause thats where you are
And I wont bring you down
Believe in me

Sometime
I get me all confused
And the reasons why I confuse you to
I could be with you
Try to sort it out
If I tell the truth
I like to lie about

Sometime
Though its a big surprise
I may compromise
The thing I most desire
I can say with pride
Hold my head up high
That I had a great idea
But never mind

Sometime
I like to sit around
Im just contemplating sitting round
And though life goes on
I can plainly see
All this common sense
Made a fool of me

I dont wanna live
But I cant resist

Ive got some reasons
And I made amends


Music- Spiritualized

Stupid Logs

Leave it to math to ruin my day.

Tomorrow I get to look forward to computer science. Where I got nothing done over break.

Then the next day I get to look forward to a test on logs.

Horrible way to start school up again.

Kill me now......


Music: Spiritualized-You wont get to heaven


I'm still very afraid. I really wish I wasn't so stupid. My head is spinning.

Got to hope for the best and the best looks great now baby

Spring Break is almost over. Overall its been pretty good, mostly these last couple days.

I got my xbox 360 back in the from the repair place. For the first time in long time the dogs were actually useful and woke me up when the UPS guy came, since he came before noon it is impossible for me to get up that early during spring break.

During this week I also went up to NIU hang out with Lenny. Which consisted if the usual playing video games, going to the junction, and getting drunk. It was fun and the people he hangs out with at NIU are pretty cool.

Also during spring break I bought my plane tickets for my Germany trip. For about two and a half weeks I get to hang out with my family over their. Last summer trip was mostly about travel and following the world cup games and festivities, so I ended up only spending about two days with family that I haven't seen in over 8 years.

I also bought a new notebook computer. Its so nice to be able to connect to the internet wireless and not have it freeze when I log into myspace. Plus now I can store alot more music. It will also help with my computer science class, since now I can work on assignments at home.

The new house is getting really close to being finished. Today we put carpet in my room. I have to say installing carpet is major pain. We also finished the kitchen this week. So all that is left to finish is the stairs and living room and then we move in. I'm really starting to get excited about the idea of moving in.

The way I see things right now. Last week was my lowest low. I'm thinking that there is no where to go, but up. The way things came together this week have made me actually happy for the first time in a long time and the next couple months look not to bad either. I hope this is the beginning of my life coming back together and not just a temporary happiness that my life has mostly consisted of.

I'm starting to want to do something that will either put me at a greater level of happiness that I ever been or will sent back down to where I was the past year. I'm very afraid.


Music:Surround Sound-The Sun Is On Our Side